Saturday 8 August 2015

My witty side....

8th August 2015
Manager : Sorry, I can't promote you.
Employee : Why?
Manager : There were better candidates.
Employee : Define "better".
Manager : Better is a benchmark which is relative and ambiguous to suit any theory.
Employee : You are so "better" person.

7th August 2015
LIFE is never fair, it was never meant to be fair.

Stand against wrongs and DO NOT fear the fear.
FIGHT such fear so to make the life fair.
Come what may there is nothing to fear…
“हानि लाभ जीवन मरण यश अपयश सब विधि हाथ” ~रामचरितमानस

6th August 2015

Apparently pornography ban is only opposed by so called civil society. Salute to Poonam Pandey and Sunny Leone.

22nd July 2015
You can live a good life, be honorable, give to charity,
but in the end, the number of people
who come to your funeral is generally dependent on the weather.

19th April 2015

Sonia G understands farmers pain, apparently her crop is destroyed too.‬

24th August 2014

Teacher: Sodium ka chemical formula pata hai?
Me: Naah. 
Teacher: Correct!
Joke samajh na aaye to koi nahi. School me padhta kaun tha?

13th April  2014

It can happen only in Chicago that you live at 26th floor and still be surrounded by buildings. Skyscrapers till I see...
— at Bridgestreet State & Grand, Chicago.

15th November 2013

Okay Indians back to work....and American Indians go to sleep ‪#‎ThankyouSachin‬‬

20th October 2013

Trust Chinese products for letting you down ‪#‎GravityMovie‬‬

16th Ocotber 2013

Bakra to @iamsrk : Kab takk hai jaan ‪#‎EidMubarak‬‬

20th September 2013

Android is powerful. iOS is for pocket full.......

7th September 2013

Raanjhanaa: O Rikshawale, madam se paise mat lena.
Rikshawala: Kyuun? Bhabhi hai meri?
Raanjhanaa: Nahi re pagle, paise mai le chukka hoon. Par riksha puncture ho gaya.

31 August 2013

O ‪#‎PMChorHai‬‬ kahne waloon actually ‪#‎MadamChorHai‬‬. Apna PM to bus मुंह ज़ोर hai.

27th August 2013

Between ‪#‎Food4Vote‬‬ and ‪#‎Food4All‬‬ if we take uncommon part, it is 'Vote' 'All'. True picture would come out only if we 'All' 'Vote'.

24th July 2013

Friends kameene hone chahiye, 
Zaroori to phone call bhi hota hai.
‪#‎thought‬‬ ‪

12 June 2013

Boss: Dude can't promote you. Other managers hardly know you. 
Employee: That's because you shut me out of meetings n steal the credit. 
Boss: Keep up the good work. My promotion would help it.

9th June 2013

Yamla Pagla Deewana 2 is Gamla Pheka Purana

26th May 2013

And Fair play award goes to team MumbaiPolice, cleared all towels. ‪#‎IPL‬‬

26th May 2013

Is this IPL final or Final IPL?

13 April 2013

Din, Raat, Weekend kaam kiye to sala kauno naahi poocha. Ek build fail ho gaya to sasura ammrikka takk naam ho gaya hamara. 

20th October 2012

Moral of 'Vadra' N 'Gadkari' story: Capitalism without deniability is same as poverty.

4th August 2012

Doston ki kya kahoon, beshaq kamine the. 
Par raunak unhi se thee, happy friendship day!

16th March 2012

Well well, at least people won't say that #Sachin needed a weak team to reach #100th mark. #IndvsBan #EveryTimeSachin #cricket #AsiaCup

6th March 2012

#Rahul G is blamin Earthquake 4 d results in #UP #Elections2012. Apparantly d EVMs were nt shock proof, votes got shuffled n popped 2 SP

21st Feb 2012

Q: How do you explain 'bhaang' to English Men? 
A: Shiva's Regal! Err... Chivas Regal. #Mahashivratri #omnamahshivay

13th Feb 2012

Ra.One has not only hurt d srk's revenue but spoiled d bollywood's award ceremonies too #recoverloss #overacting #filmfare #zeecine

4th Feb 2012

Abb takk to TeamIndia sirf HARA tha, aaj BESAHARA bhi ho gaya #BCCI #SAHARA

30th January 2012

Good to see #Shirish Kunder's long lived dream being executed, 29 remaining though :~) #TeesMaarKhaan #SRK #SlapGate

15th January 2012

#BCCI cries GoKarting proved ineffective, #TeamIndia 2 try GoFarting @ #Adeleide grounds. Kangaroos mite as well give walkover #AUSvsIND

14th January 2012

Gone Mahi Gone!

Itni shidaat se maine field ki setting ki hai,

ki har balle ne ball boundary paar karane ki saazish ki hai.
Kehte hain ki ...... Agar cricket ko pure dil se chodna chaaho to puri kayanat usi koshish mein lag jaati hai.
Aaj na kal aap sabh mujhe bahar nikalwa hi denge, thank you, thank you very much. Main aap sab ka shukar guzaar hoon.
Ki aapne mere khwabon ko yakeen mein badal diya, itna ki I feel like the Baichung Bhutia of thee Football.
Aur aaj, is baat ka bhi yakeen ho gaya, ki humari filmon ki tarah humare cricket mein bhi end mein sab khatam ho jaata hai.
Happy is Endings. Aur agar, aur agar khatam na ho to koi nahin hai dosto, "Adelaide" abhi baaki hai.

13th January 2012

O koi nahi yaar! Apne ghar kangaroo bhi sher hota hai smile emoticon #AUSvsIND #cricket #waca

13th January 2012

Hence proved, it is a bad idea to play cricket in the middle of go-carting session.

31st December 2011

As #2011 has been the year of soup boyz, pouwa chameli N hud hud dabangg
hope #2012 helps teamanna boyz, Lalu's belly N parliament huddang.

24th December 2011

Software Developer: Can you explain "Good intentions but deadly result"?
Project Manager: Customer wants a cup of tea and you built a system to boil the ocean.

20 December 2011

IT Manager: Do you have all the tool required for your job?
Software Developer: That Depends! Do you consider yourself a tool

8th December 2011

For once I was happy see one Indian demolishing another Indian. I mean by North Indian to West Indian. #sehwag @virendersehwag

8th December 2011

Sachin gets yet another record. Slowest double centurion smile emoticon @virendersehwag @sachin_rt #sehwag

28th August 2011

Anna ne to abhi Ganna dala hai, juice nikalna abhi baki hai mere dost ...

8th July 2011

Kyunki sare Facebookiye bhi kabhi Orkutiye the... #GooglePlus

7th July  2011

-:Dilli Boli:-

Bapu PM se bola, kyu fatati hai teri...

Teri mardangi, property hai teri...

PM ki shakal mein
Beta tu to niklaa kewal daag..
daag... daag...daag..

jaag jaag... jaag jaag...
jaag jaag... jaag jaag...

Oh by GOD phat gayi...
kya se kya huwa
Dekha to thi kursi
Baitha to nikli russi
Madam ke komal haath
Pakda to nikla saaanp... saaanp...saaanp...

jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag
jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag

Tu to hai katputli
Paisa, Kursi aur Dilli
teeno hi
Madam ji se mile.

Tera bheja khali hai...
kyu khata gaali hai...

jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag
jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag

28th June 2011

What's this I heard Anushka Sharma was questioned in the charge of Human Trafficking yesterday. Apparently our very own Bappi Lahri was found in the check-in baggage ...

14th June 2011

Q. Why is Rahul Gandhi absconding amidst so many developments ?
A. Because Child labor in India is a human right issue smile emoticon

21st Feb 2011

Project Manager: You spent whole of engineering budget on learning the new technology. 
Software Developer: Some say I am a slow learner but I'd like to consider myself expensive

11th Feb 2011

Hum to wo hain jo textbooks se bhaga karte the, aur aajkal facebooks me paye jate hain.

11th Oct 2010

While you get your application working 1 way finally. Users would eventually discover n-1 ways where it might not work. And then you call it "Version 1.0"
- Product Line Managment, Software Engineering.

28th September 201o

Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Friday 24 July 2015

A letter to my son on his 4th BirthDay.

Dear Aadi,

You turned 4 today. A very very happy birthday :-)

Past one year has been exciting. You are growing from a cute baby to a naughty toddler and I am loving every bit of it. I also got straight 10 months of continuous stay with you without having to move out of station for work. I know you would not remember these early days as you grow. Luck will have it and you may get to relive your childhood when your kid makes his way into the world. Every little mischief you make tells me how was I some 30 years ago. Though I sometimes do feel that I am too calm for all the tantrums you throw and you have significant share of genes from your mom. Yet you two are the best things that has ever occurred to me.

Your fourth year was eventful. Life has a unique communication methodology for its participants. It talks to us via canvases it paints and every move we make in reaction. Some works out and feels good. Some teaches the smarts required to enjoy it the next time. Allow me to redraw the theme of some of the those as I understood it. Perhaps it will prove out to you that life is actually a fun game. We need to play it smartly to win not in the end but during the game.

Your School
Till date you hate the mornings when we dress you up. You hardly smile from the point we wake you till you enter the classroom and sometimes you cry also. Per your class teacher, you are different person in the classroom. You play like there is no tomorrow, scream, run, beat, get beaten. I figured out that its the transition - leaving home and on the way to school, you hate not the school itself. We all have that anxiety. Leaving a comfort zone in anticipation of another comfort zone is a risk and we need to learn to take that calculated risk. These early transitions will make you believe in change and hope that eventually things end well. 

Stage Fear
I still remember the 4 lines I made you by heart on Mars Orbiter and the satellite model that we made for you to wear for school event.  Despite of having practiced for several days at home and in class; you went blank on -the- day. My numerous attempt of cheering from audience and forbearing master of ceremony couldn't get you going. Never mind; it happens.  That day I learnt an important lesson. You never signed up for doing everything right. Kids may fail parent's desire and I better be prepared to work harder the next time. I promise that I won't stop till the day you take the walk up to stage and say ... 'Hello Everyone, I am Adhrit....................'

Leg Fracture
You fractured your left leg in Chicago. I still hear that noise 'kdaak'. Your howl, tears, hospital, plaster all were so painful. We both cried that night. Things do go wrong at times. We must remember that whatever it is we will be past it. And till we are going through it, lets face with hope. Your grand father had told me once ... 'musibat se daro jab wo aane wali ho par jab wo aa hi jaye to himmat rakho aur samna karo. Rolo lekin date raho'. See we are past it. You faced it bravely son. Imagine, you a three year old kid consoling his father ... ' papa, theek ho jayega'

Younger Brother
You are a big bro now. As 'chota' stepped in few months ago. I am sorry that your 'one baby one mom/dad equation was proved wrong' and that I couldn't answer when you asked that where are his mummy/papa and why doesn't he go to his home. I like that you have an audience for the stunts you do and you would repeat those because it makes the baby laugh. Your unique way of caring for him but still not letting him play with your toys. I go to work, mom is busy too at work or making home but you have one special person who has all the time in world for you. You are lucky.

Your Papa.
Mitendra Anand
25th July, 2015

Chicago, USA

Milton Lee Olive Park, Chicago - June 13th 2015

Friday 25 July 2014

A letter to my son on his 3rd BirthDay.

Dear Aadi,

You turned 3 today, and I still believe that most joyful moment of my life had happened just yesterday. When I was waiting outside of operation theater in hospital and a gentlemen popped after good 40 minutes of wait and said ‘Anushree Anand: I ran….almost fell …. Male Child, Born at 3:42 PM and Body Weight: 3.95 kg’

Your eyes were so wide open and you were looking all around. I couldn’t believe that you were just born, I so wanted to touch you, kiss you but was not granted. ‘Baby needs to be at nursery’ for 24 hours, came the rude voice. I said okay anything for my dear son. I can’t tell you how I felt when I took you in my arms. It seemed pretty technical to say the least, I mean hold in such way that your head is steady still not pressing you hard. All others were scared, and I was like champ without any practice. Of course where else would you be safest if not with me.

Life has changed since. Not very long ago I used to worry about my looks/career/comfort etc. Now whichever store I go, toys fascinates me, baby clothing, shoes are my latest interest. I am kid again and thank God for that and thank you for that.

I know you can’t read it now but one day you shall be. I am writing this letter so that you get a chance to read about your past days because it would feel so different and exciting. I never had this experience so I don’t know how it’d feel, well … will ask you when you are at it. There are few thoughts I would like to share with you on your birthday. These are nothing but some of my wishes which I could not pursue. Now that I have got another life in you I would like to re-do some of that.

Love a sport and pursue it.
As a kid I practiced cricket every day after school. I wasn’t best at it but not bad either. Besides keeping you fit and healthy at mind & body, sport is a wonderful distraction in life. It’s something which gives you every chance to not to think about things which are not in best shape at present. Sport also makes us disciplined in a sense that if you want to get better and then you need to practice certain rules/step on a regular basis. This will make you fighter and force you not to give up easily.

Be a part of musical world.
I am a good listener. I mean that’s the best I could do with music. I suggest you should pick up singing, I know singing is natural talent so one may or one may not but then at least learn to play an instrument. Mankind has always loved the entertainment breed. People who have the ability to sing or play are the core part of the same. They not only de-stress themselves but teach others that world is so beautiful and why not appreciate nature for what it has laid for us. Believe me mother nature did not make us to earn livelihood and break the bread. It had much better plans but we over thought her ideas.

Education is just part of life.
Yes, don’t take it too seriously. I say so because I took it seriously and tried to be best in every subject which was thrown on me . Today I DO NOT earn even a single penny out of those topics for which I burnt midnight oil all my teenage. I wish you better career and prospect than me but I seriously feel that science, mathematics, social science etc would not guarantee that. To be successful I think one just needs to know what he/she is best at and keep refining that. I know people spend 20 years to find one best area for them before they finally succeed. I wish you the same realistically but I want you to remember that ‘studies’ is not necessarily that area so keep your options open. Having said that you must go to school to become educated enough to decide on it.

Your Papa.
Mitendra Anand
25th July, 2014
Chicago, USA

P.S. : Forgive me for not being with you physically, as I said once “Iss do takiye ki naukri me mera lakhon ka bachpan jaye”.

Tuesday 20 August 2013

Why ChennaiExpress clicked and OnceUponATimeInMumbai D didn't?

Both the movies are hopelessly useless but while  the former clicked the latter didn't. Here is my take on the matter. There were basically 4 aspects of one's failure and others success:- 

Story: ChennaiExpress has the story-line of worst kind. Hero is jobless, purposeless, 40+, can't fight the villain etc. etc. But the good thing with CE, Rohit Shettly was aware of no story. So he put his money on comic timing, fast sreenplay, car actions and colorful canvas. Basically he did not break the pattern, audience got the meal which they were expecting and had tasted before.
OUATMD borrowed its story from Mumbai, so it fairs better. But for stories like underworld you need real incidents so that people can correlate it with past and true picture of purpose not something like running behind love. Broken story is as worse as No Story. Even excellent one liners/ dialogs from Milan Luthria did not help.

Star Cast: Every single viewer is blaiming Imran Khan for OUATMD failure. Rightly so but the fault is not Imran's but the casting crew. Since when we get pink lipped goon? Not a big fan for Sonakshi Sinha either, she was lucky with Dabang her physique suited the character Rajjo, every where else she is a misfit. A lot was on shoulder of Akhsay Kumar and he did deliver in style.
CE has SRK, the biggie himself and Deepika, a better choice any day. 

Music: S P Balasubrahmanyam was a pleasant surprise in CE. The title song justifies the fast screenplay. Then the presence of foot number - 1 2 3 4 Get on the Dance Floor, melody - Titli, Yo Yo - Thalaiva were good addition to the package.
 OUATMD, only song you would remember when out of theatre will be Aiyo Balli ... Pyar ka Dushman. Which is not an original anyway. 

Marketing:  SRK is epitome of marketing products, he has taught bollywood how to do the same. Though he fell on face because of over marketing Ra.One, still looks like it worked this time. Ekta Kapoor should have come with some stepped up marketing for
OUATMD. She believed too much in Akshay's fan following.

Thursday 15 August 2013

Why Modi scores over Mr. Singh?

As India celebrates it's 67th Independence Day, not sure if India has been really a democracy in the true terms. 1947 onwards, the opposition has had just one full term at the center. The first six decades of its democracy, the center has only seen a government led by a single party. More often than not, power corrupts over a period of time.

Till 80s, India was more successful than China. It was more successful than South Korea, more successful than most places in Asia. It is unfortunate that we have failed to take advantage of some of our most valuable assets. India has some of the smartest people in the world, but it does not have an education system to support it. Infrastructure is equally poor. There are millions of entrepreneurial, driven and smart Indians amongst us, but most of them want to be abroad because they know that unless they are involved with the right people in India, they are not going to be successful. Fewer than 50% of Indians stay in school till they graduate. There are very good Indian universities, but very few for the number of Indians who need good education.

There are not many successful Indian companies either, except those that are associated with the government. Look around in world and you won’t see many Indian products, except for some restaurants. There are very few Indian brands that are recognized outside India. Apart from a couple of software companies, none of the Indian firms have made it big in the international scene. Also, not to forget that the regulations that India puts in place result in foreigners going through nested loops before they can invest in India.

India should have been among the world’s greatest agriculture nations — given the soil, the human resource, the weather, but it is astonishing that we have not become one. It is because Indian politicians, in their wisdom, have made it illegal for farmers to own more than five hectares of land. Can a farmer with just five hectares compete with farmers in Australia or Canada?

As wisely said by Rogers Holdings chairman Jim Rogers , If the billion plus people in India demand more and say the current system that is going on since 1947 is absurd, then it might make India a whole lot better. Compared to many of the countries globally, India was on top in 1947, but relatively India has only declined since then. Remember that you move from dictatorship to oligarchy to democracy to chaos—may be they will throw out these absurd oligarchs who rule India and then it may have a vibrant democracy and regain its proper place, its historic place in the globe. 

आजादी का मतलब - अपने लक्ष्य और अधिकारों के प्रति जागरूक होना |

Monday 12 August 2013

What C++ has in offer...

Speed: The language not only optimizes in terms of how you program but also makes optimal use of hardware cache. For Example, std::vector gets cached in processor irrespective of its size. Today's Processors come with rich inbuilt cache, let’s make best use of them.

Efficiency: Threading libraries and Parallel/concurrent programming helps in more throughput. In Financial sector the focus is on high demanding applications that need performance. The “king” is Performance per Watt, per Cycle, per Transistor: Performance per Dollar.

C++11: C++11 has a lot of new features. Soon we will use these Features in order to take advantage of new frameworks (like C++ AMP). “C++ matters again as a first class system” i.e. it provides choice at the user level for Windows, Mac OS X and Linux as well as a range of web user interfaces. Imagine the benefit of being able to support the Windows, Mac, and Linux users within your organization with a consistent, identical suite of services.

Alleged Non managed Language: Managed languages don’t have the performance, deployability or serviceability (among others) required to develop a Large Systems or Operating System. That’s why Windows nowadays is all C and C++ and will probably stay that way. The bottom line is that C++ is close to the metal, which means that everything in the execution is right in the code.

Error Proneness: C++ “language” doesn’t provide helpful black box functionality? If there was such a language that could prevent bugs in the software, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.  Everyone would switch.  Fact is, you can write bugs in any language.  When it comes down to the eleventh hour and the problem just has to be solved before I go home that night I need to be able to conveniently walking through every line of code in the debugger.  The so called helpful black box in coder friendly programming languages, that usually works, just becomes a nightmare then.  

In the end choice of language is more like choosing the right size hammer for the nail. For example, if I want to write a device driver for a hardware, I would go for C. If I want to write graphics intensive I would go for C++. If I want to write a new OS I would go for assembly and C. If I want to do text pattern matching and replacement, I would go for Perl/Python. If I want faster web development I would go for Java, PHP. If I want more interactive web page effects, I go for Javascript.

Saturday 10 August 2013

COM connection point callback for a C++/CLI client

If you have to write interop code, should you use C# and P/Invoke, or should you use C++/CLI? The clients for a COM connection point server can be written in C++ and in C# managed code. Recently, I got a query about the possibility of a managed C++/CLI client for a COM connection point server. A search on the web gave many samples of C++ and C# managed code but none for a C++/CLI client. It is a topic of debate; refer to this blog. It says “With C++/CLI, you can use the API natively exactly like it's meant to be used, and then "expose" the code to the managed world via C++/CLI”. This motivated me to write an article on how to implement a COM connection point callback for a C++/CLI client.

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