Saturday 8 August 2015

My witty side....

8th August 2015
Manager : Sorry, I can't promote you.
Employee : Why?
Manager : There were better candidates.
Employee : Define "better".
Manager : Better is a benchmark which is relative and ambiguous to suit any theory.
Employee : You are so "better" person.

7th August 2015
LIFE is never fair, it was never meant to be fair.

Stand against wrongs and DO NOT fear the fear.
FIGHT such fear so to make the life fair.
Come what may there is nothing to fear…
“हानि लाभ जीवन मरण यश अपयश सब विधि हाथ” ~रामचरितमानस

6th August 2015

Apparently pornography ban is only opposed by so called civil society. Salute to Poonam Pandey and Sunny Leone.

22nd July 2015
You can live a good life, be honorable, give to charity,
but in the end, the number of people
who come to your funeral is generally dependent on the weather.

19th April 2015

Sonia G understands farmers pain, apparently her crop is destroyed too.‬

24th August 2014

Teacher: Sodium ka chemical formula pata hai?
Me: Naah. 
Teacher: Correct!
Joke samajh na aaye to koi nahi. School me padhta kaun tha?

13th April  2014

It can happen only in Chicago that you live at 26th floor and still be surrounded by buildings. Skyscrapers till I see...
— at Bridgestreet State & Grand, Chicago.

15th November 2013

Okay Indians back to work....and American Indians go to sleep ‪#‎ThankyouSachin‬‬

20th October 2013

Trust Chinese products for letting you down ‪#‎GravityMovie‬‬

16th Ocotber 2013

Bakra to @iamsrk : Kab takk hai jaan ‪#‎EidMubarak‬‬

20th September 2013

Android is powerful. iOS is for pocket full.......

7th September 2013

Raanjhanaa: O Rikshawale, madam se paise mat lena.
Rikshawala: Kyuun? Bhabhi hai meri?
Raanjhanaa: Nahi re pagle, paise mai le chukka hoon. Par riksha puncture ho gaya.

31 August 2013

O ‪#‎PMChorHai‬‬ kahne waloon actually ‪#‎MadamChorHai‬‬. Apna PM to bus मुंह ज़ोर hai.

27th August 2013

Between ‪#‎Food4Vote‬‬ and ‪#‎Food4All‬‬ if we take uncommon part, it is 'Vote' 'All'. True picture would come out only if we 'All' 'Vote'.

24th July 2013

Friends kameene hone chahiye, 
Zaroori to phone call bhi hota hai.
‪#‎thought‬‬ ‪

12 June 2013

Boss: Dude can't promote you. Other managers hardly know you. 
Employee: That's because you shut me out of meetings n steal the credit. 
Boss: Keep up the good work. My promotion would help it.

9th June 2013

Yamla Pagla Deewana 2 is Gamla Pheka Purana

26th May 2013

And Fair play award goes to team MumbaiPolice, cleared all towels. ‪#‎IPL‬‬

26th May 2013

Is this IPL final or Final IPL?

13 April 2013

Din, Raat, Weekend kaam kiye to sala kauno naahi poocha. Ek build fail ho gaya to sasura ammrikka takk naam ho gaya hamara. 

20th October 2012

Moral of 'Vadra' N 'Gadkari' story: Capitalism without deniability is same as poverty.

4th August 2012

Doston ki kya kahoon, beshaq kamine the. 
Par raunak unhi se thee, happy friendship day!

16th March 2012

Well well, at least people won't say that #Sachin needed a weak team to reach #100th mark. #IndvsBan #EveryTimeSachin #cricket #AsiaCup

6th March 2012

#Rahul G is blamin Earthquake 4 d results in #UP #Elections2012. Apparantly d EVMs were nt shock proof, votes got shuffled n popped 2 SP

21st Feb 2012

Q: How do you explain 'bhaang' to English Men? 
A: Shiva's Regal! Err... Chivas Regal. #Mahashivratri #omnamahshivay

13th Feb 2012

Ra.One has not only hurt d srk's revenue but spoiled d bollywood's award ceremonies too #recoverloss #overacting #filmfare #zeecine

4th Feb 2012

Abb takk to TeamIndia sirf HARA tha, aaj BESAHARA bhi ho gaya #BCCI #SAHARA

30th January 2012

Good to see #Shirish Kunder's long lived dream being executed, 29 remaining though :~) #TeesMaarKhaan #SRK #SlapGate

15th January 2012

#BCCI cries GoKarting proved ineffective, #TeamIndia 2 try GoFarting @ #Adeleide grounds. Kangaroos mite as well give walkover #AUSvsIND

14th January 2012

Gone Mahi Gone!

Itni shidaat se maine field ki setting ki hai,

ki har balle ne ball boundary paar karane ki saazish ki hai.
Kehte hain ki ...... Agar cricket ko pure dil se chodna chaaho to puri kayanat usi koshish mein lag jaati hai.
Aaj na kal aap sabh mujhe bahar nikalwa hi denge, thank you, thank you very much. Main aap sab ka shukar guzaar hoon.
Ki aapne mere khwabon ko yakeen mein badal diya, itna ki I feel like the Baichung Bhutia of thee Football.
Aur aaj, is baat ka bhi yakeen ho gaya, ki humari filmon ki tarah humare cricket mein bhi end mein sab khatam ho jaata hai.
Happy is Endings. Aur agar, aur agar khatam na ho to koi nahin hai dosto, "Adelaide" abhi baaki hai.

13th January 2012

O koi nahi yaar! Apne ghar kangaroo bhi sher hota hai smile emoticon #AUSvsIND #cricket #waca

13th January 2012

Hence proved, it is a bad idea to play cricket in the middle of go-carting session.

31st December 2011

As #2011 has been the year of soup boyz, pouwa chameli N hud hud dabangg
hope #2012 helps teamanna boyz, Lalu's belly N parliament huddang.

24th December 2011

Software Developer: Can you explain "Good intentions but deadly result"?
Project Manager: Customer wants a cup of tea and you built a system to boil the ocean.

20 December 2011

IT Manager: Do you have all the tool required for your job?
Software Developer: That Depends! Do you consider yourself a tool

8th December 2011

For once I was happy see one Indian demolishing another Indian. I mean by North Indian to West Indian. #sehwag @virendersehwag

8th December 2011

Sachin gets yet another record. Slowest double centurion smile emoticon @virendersehwag @sachin_rt #sehwag

28th August 2011

Anna ne to abhi Ganna dala hai, juice nikalna abhi baki hai mere dost ...

8th July 2011

Kyunki sare Facebookiye bhi kabhi Orkutiye the... #GooglePlus

7th July  2011

-:Dilli Boli:-

Bapu PM se bola, kyu fatati hai teri...

Teri mardangi, property hai teri...

PM ki shakal mein
Beta tu to niklaa kewal daag..
daag... daag...daag..

jaag jaag... jaag jaag...
jaag jaag... jaag jaag...

Oh by GOD phat gayi...
kya se kya huwa
Dekha to thi kursi
Baitha to nikli russi
Madam ke komal haath
Pakda to nikla saaanp... saaanp...saaanp...

jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag
jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag

Tu to hai katputli
Paisa, Kursi aur Dilli
teeno hi
Madam ji se mile.

Tera bheja khali hai...
kyu khata gaali hai...

jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag
jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag M M S jaag jaag

28th June 2011

What's this I heard Anushka Sharma was questioned in the charge of Human Trafficking yesterday. Apparently our very own Bappi Lahri was found in the check-in baggage ...

14th June 2011

Q. Why is Rahul Gandhi absconding amidst so many developments ?
A. Because Child labor in India is a human right issue smile emoticon

21st Feb 2011

Project Manager: You spent whole of engineering budget on learning the new technology. 
Software Developer: Some say I am a slow learner but I'd like to consider myself expensive

11th Feb 2011

Hum to wo hain jo textbooks se bhaga karte the, aur aajkal facebooks me paye jate hain.

11th Oct 2010

While you get your application working 1 way finally. Users would eventually discover n-1 ways where it might not work. And then you call it "Version 1.0"
- Product Line Managment, Software Engineering.

28th September 201o

Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

No comments:

Post a Comment